Love

Richard at The Serena during out last night together

Friday, July 17, 2007 12:35 AM
I am going to get to sleep in a few minutes. I will write about Ntarama tomorrow. I have notes in my little red notebook. We said farewell to Richard tonight. There was some live music at the restaurant of the hotel. A little combo that played songs in English, Kinyrwanda and French. Lots of Reggae. Our drivers will be here at 4:30 tomorrow and we’ll head out. I Think we’ll stay pretty close to the hotel today. As I turn in this last night in Rwanda I have such mixed emotions. I do want to come back again. I feel that I must, but I never want to be away from you for this long again. That may seem selfish but I have thought about Rwanda almost exclusively for months now. Reading and rereading Immaculee’s book, the Bishop’s book, Ishmael Beah’s A Long Way Gone (about Sierra Leone), reading stuff on the internet about the history of Rwanda, Youtube stuff on Rwanda. Through this time I have thought about poverty and death as well as grace and forgiveness. For months. I will never forget about Rwanda or this trip, these good people. But I have missed you too much. I am dependent, in some ways, on your consistent presence. Perhaps because I focused so much on human mortality It has made me realize that my days with you are finite. I love you, Heidi. I am certain now that one reason I came is to know just how much I love you. I know.